Seriously? Don't judge me!

This was not something I even considered writing about but now I feel like I have to. I have reached a decision. It's been a difficult decision to make and one that has had me on my knees a lot. I have decided after nearly 9 years of being solely a homemaker, to go back into the work force. Before I go into any details I want to thank those and there have been many (you know who you are) that have supported me on this. It has not come easy. My mind has been torn between such hard places. Before I got married I told Brent that once we started having kids, that was it, I would not work outside our home. That was non negotiable. I have my reasons, I don't need to explain. Recently, Emma started growing up! I'm not sure when that happened but it has started! I also realized a while ago (I've been realizing this for a long while, not just recently) that apparently it's not in the plans, at this moment, to be able to conceive more children. We are not giving up because we feel like that would be slamming the door in the Lords face. For now until something unknown happens, Emma is our sweet blessing and we are so happy she is a part of our lives. She is a major reason I have made the decision I have. I will not at this time nor ever go into all the reasons I came to for returning to work but I will give a couple of things away. The first and major one was that because Emma is getting older and she is my only child there is just not as many opportunities to serve or rather volunteer at school. When she was younger I could randomly walk into the classroom and the teacher would put me to work. I loved having that time near my daughter but also being able to serve those who were serving my family, i.e. Emma. Now I have found a way to be at school, feel like I am serving not only my daughter but my schools community and put a little money away to help my family save for a rainy day. (To the person who left me a little nasty message on Facebook tonight - Why does that make me a bad person. Why have I been judged poorly for this decision that has nothing to do with anyone outside my family? Just to qualify something here, I work 2.5 hours, two days a week, while my daughter is in school, AND I WORK AT MY DAUGHTERS SCHOOL!) Last week was my first days working yard duty and in those two days I came home feeling so loved. The little ones and the older ones are so terrific and they really make you feel like a hundred million bucks. I realize that I may have those days where that hundred million turns into negative 50 cents but after these last two days I know I can make a difference in these kids lives if only to be their safety net and advocate for 2.5 hours, 2 days a week. It's not just the kids that have brightened my heart though, their parents have as well. The support has been incredible, so very very incredible. I came home from church today feeling so loved that it oozed from every pore! Which is how you're supposed to feel after having been at church but this wasn't just from worshiping my Savior it was from my sisters and their sweet loving way. I'm excited for this new adventure. I feel as though the Lord has put this in my path at this time to help me to grow which in turn scares the living day lights out of me because I have come to see that every time I start on a new path, it leads me to some calling or some decision that is so hard that I have to look back at the things I've just learned to get me through the next phase! That's ok, scared is good, it keeps me on my toes. Again thank you to all those who given me reassurances and honest faith and tons of support. I know it seems such a little thing but after nearly nine years it didn't feel like such a little thing and I'm so very blessed to have you behind me. Thanks!